Wordlab

If you need to do a little patent searching, the best choice just keeps getting better: IP.com‘s free patent search engine. Not only is the design better and the page loading time faster than most other free patent search sites, but IP.com has more databases in place and more on the way (including China PRC and Chinese in English translation already in place), from patents and patent applications to prior art publications and now IBM Redbooks. And IP.com’s handy “more like this” feature on every patent page is a great semantic matching tool that no other search service has.

I have tried a bunch of services for patent, non-patent and trademark searching, and IP.com definitely has the best patent search service I’ve come across. Give it a try.

We get a lot of inventors here at Wordlab looking to name their new inventions, and we’re always studying the language of patents and trademarks. So, as a reference tool, here are Wordlab’s Top 12 free online patent search services:

1. IP.com
2. USPTO
3. WIPO
4. Google Patents
5. Patents.com
6. FreePatentsOnline
7. Patent Lens
8. Faqs.org
9. FreshPatents.com
10. PatentStorm
11. Patent Genius
12. GetThePatent.com

Boring device and boring method

Word association method and apparatus

“Miniature rose plant named Poulvok,” meet “Automatic livestock head splitter.” I’m sure you two will have lots to talk about.

I’ve been on a rampage though the patent database trolling for unusual names and language. Here is another gem: Tortoise penis kidney-tonifying wine. Betcha’ never thought you could patent such a concoction! In case you want to try to brew this baby up at home, the patent abstract lists the key ingredients:

The invention discloses tortoise wine for invigorating the kidney. The technical key points of the invention are that the wine is made by infusing live turtle, deer scourge, fur seal scourge and such Chinese herbal medicine as honeysuckle, osmanthus flower, codonopsis pilosula, angelica, morinda root, leatherleaf milletia, dodder, Schisandra, radix achyranthis bidentatae, Cherokee rose, barrenwort and grain wine. The wine for invigorating the kidney of the invention ahs the effects of invigorating the kidney, benefiting the stomach, strengthening the human immunity, resisting the fatigue and preventing the aging.

I was especially struck — after “tortoise penis” — by the ingredients “deer scourge” and “fur seal scourge”. I thought, is there another, more benign meaning of “scourge” that I’m not aware of? Nope, all the definitions of “scourge” are pretty grim:

• noun: a whip used to inflict punishment (often used for pedantic humor)
• noun: a person who inspires fear or dread
• noun: something causes misery or death
• verb: punish severely; excoriate
• verb: whip
• verb: devastate or ravage

This “kidney-tonifying wine” sounds even more inviting than the “turtle deer donkey wine” I posted yesterday, unless you’re a “live turtle”.

Basically what you’ve got here is “pureed tortoise penis and other animal crap that will cause you misery or death.” You see, it succeeds in “preventing the aging” by killing you outright. There, no more worries about aging.

Band name idea: Impregnated Monoliths

Drink up: Making process of turtle-deer-donkey wine

Patently Apple writes that Apple Wins Patent for Smart Garment, and shows this image from Apple’s “smart garment” patent:

Illustration from Apple's "Smart Garment" patent

What does this “smart garment” (“true shoe”?) do? According to Patently Apple’s analysis of the patent:

A sensor authenticated to a garment transfers information, either wirelessly or wired, to an external data processing device. Such information includes location information, physiometric data of the individual wearing the garment, garment performance and wear data (when the garment is an athletic shoe, for example). The external data processing device can be portable digital media players that are, in turn, in wireless communication with a server computer or other wireless devices. In the real world, Apple’s Patent is associated with Nike + iPod – Though the detail of the running shoe illustrated below actually suggests that Apple and Nike could be working on yet a more sophisticated runner.

[Apple credits Brett Alten and Robert Borchers as the inventors of the Smart Garment (Patent 7,698,101), originally filed in Q1, 2007.]

I guess Apple is “hitting the ground running” in the new smart garment market, working from “the ground up”. So, Wordlabbers, what names would you give to this “smart shoe” (from gum shoe to smart shoe?) and other potential “smart garments”? Use the comments on this post to share your suggestions. And don’t feel under any pressure to offer only good names — the worse the better, as long as they’re funny. We could could call them, “Dumb Names for Smart Garments”. Any takers? If you’re not yet a member of Wordlab, sign up for a free account, and then you can comment here and post to the Forums. Put on your smart garment and let ‘er rip.