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Igor naming & branding
Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Inflammatory language? Stephen Downs went to a mall near Albany, New York yesterday with his son, where he bought a T-shirt that expressed a scary, radical idea. He then had the audacity to put the shirt on.

While Mr. Downs was dining with his son in the mall's food court, he was approached by two security guards and told to either remove the patently offensive shirt or leave the mall pronto. He refused, the police were called in, and they arrested Mr. Downs for trespassing. If convicted, he could face up to a year in prison.

Fortunately, Mr. Downs just happens to be a lawyer. And not just any lawyer, but the director of the Albany Office of the state Commission on Judicial Conduct.

Oh, and the language on the T-shirt that got Mr. Downs into such hot water to begin with? "Give Peace A Chance." Read all about it.

If he were alive today, John Lennon would probably be in prison. Or as Dylan says,
And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only.
Add that to the list of strong language unacceptable in American malls.

UPDATE: More information, including news of the first group protest at the mall over this incident.
- snark [11:44 AM] [ + ]
Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Breaking Trademark News: Supreme Court rules that size doesn't matter.
- snark [11:58 AM] [ + ]
Hairs of the dog: Announcing John Paul Pet. Paul Mitchell, famous for his salon products, has a new line of hair care products for your dog. The variety of formulas include a tea tree treatment and an oatmeal conditioning rinse, priced $5.99 to $8.99. The products are featured this week at the 45th annual American Pet Product Manufacturers Association's trade show in Atlanta Georgia through Friday. What were they thinking the other 44 years?
- quark [10:35 AM] [ + ]
Hold down the fort: C'mon people, the earth needs your help. Pitch in and help Save Our Gravity.
- snark [7:35 AM] [ + ]
Monday, March 03, 2003

As if it were branded on my mind -- George Eliot: Marketing agency Cunning Stunts is hiring students to turn their foreheads into billboard space. The ForeheADS campaign has been launched in London, Leeds, Glasgow and Cardiff.
- quark [12:42 PM] [ + ]
Saturday, March 01, 2003

Spreading the Religion of Snark to an Evil Corporation Near You: Metafilter posted a link this morning to Snark Hunting's Eminem's Brand Namedropping feature (actually, LucJam wrote it, I just stole it and made it look prettier), which means we're getting a few hundred thousand hits today, give or take a handful of digits. On second thought, don't take a handful of digits from me, I need all that I can get, in more ways than one.

There are some funny comments attached to the Metafilter post, including this muckraking gem:
"Snark Hunting," is an Igor Production.

Hmph. The Snark has been co-opted by Igor International, whose clients include Nestle, Gap, Amway, Banana Republic, and more.

It pisses me off to see Lewis Carroll used like that.
posted by Shane at 10:10 AM PST on March 1
My feeling is, if I can infiltrate the Snark into Corporate America, I think it does more good than harm (especially if I get paid), and I don't think Lewis Carroll is tarnished in the slightest. Hell, if I could get DuPont to sponsor Finnegans Wake readings, I'd do it in a heartbeat (give me a call, Pierre Pete, and we'll talk). The alternative is to sit on the sidelines and revel in irrelevance.

Imagine standing around outside the gates of ancient Troy and arguing, "Hey, guys, I can't believe you're going to waste a perfectly good giant hollow wooden horse statue on wheels by giving it to these idiot Trojans. It's disgusting, it diminishes the whole culture of giant wooden horses we've worked so hard to uphold." Well, perhaps those guys had ulterior motives.

NOTE: That's Igor, not Igor International. igorinternational.com is just the domain name for Igor. Because you don't have to be forced into a bad name for your company or product just because you can't get a particular domain name. "International" because we're a huge international megacorp ourselves, running branding sweatshops in over 83 countries.
- snark [2:41 PM] [ + ]
Friday, February 28, 2003

Re the audblog, don't be such a tease Snark. Pony-up for the free trial and let's hear one.

SNARKREBUTTAL: As soon as I catch up on my sleep, recharge my cell phone, and clear up this bad case of cotton mouth.
- quark [9:02 PM] [ + ]
Have you heard the news? I just got off the phone with Noah Glass, founder of listenlab (no relation), a San Francisco outfit that just yesterday released audblog, an "audio blogging" tool that "enables audio posting to your current blog site with any phone at any time from any where" as an mp3 file, with a file size of 1k/sec. Says the audblog FAQ page (which also includes links to example sites so you can hear audblog in action):
How does it work?

Actually, it is simpler than publishing a text post. You call the number, record a post, then your blog is updated with an audblog icon and a link to your recorded audio. Super simple.
Perhaps there's a Wordlab application of this technology. For instance, I could phone in an audio post to Wordlab every few days during one of my many protracted screaming fits, or share the moment when I take out the trash, get in arguments with my neighbor's dog, or gargle with butter. Finally, I'll really be able to toot my own horn and, more importantly, you'll be able to hear it!
- snark [1:28 PM] [ + ]
Put a lid on it: Jumbo, gigante, molto grande, venti, grande supremo, and other names for a large cup of coffee.
- snark [12:00 PM] [ + ]
February's Buzzword of the Month: Duct Tape and Cover ...complete Buzzwords list.
- quark [7:14 AM] [ + ]
Quote of the Day: It's all about democracy baby, the one with the most expensive car wins. Sister Rye regarding the numerous slogan requests for school president, treasurer, student council, etc. these days on the WordBoard.
- quark [4:26 AM] [ + ]
Thursday, February 27, 2003

Well, they have the right idea anyway. Unfortunately, with a name like WebDesign Lab, they have to be suspect. I mean, c'mon, "Lab"? How cheesy is that?

Oh, and I have my own alternative pick for Rock Band of the Day (RBOTD), a name that screams gravitas, baby:

Pyroclastic Northampton Ureter

You know, they're that troupe of hip young scowling miscreants with the famous, enigmatic "PNU" logo, who regularly grace the covers of Contessa, Tarmac, and Oracle Dude - The Larry Ellison Lifestyle Magazine. Now you are hip, you have been let in on the secret. You too are brand PNU!
- snark [4:00 PM] [ + ]
Blair Poodle Project: WebDesign Lab is going out on a limb here with a poke at George W. and Tony B. While we admire the UK firm's bravado, the images expressed on these pages are not necessarily those of the Wordlab network.
- quark [3:34 PM] [ + ]
Rock Band name of the day: Surely Jonestown - Now, for all we know this band name is available for the plucking. If you want it, let us know so we can tell everyone else to back off Shirley!
- quark [3:24 PM] [ + ]
Tagline of the day: Wordlab - Let Us Drink the Coffee...visit the free think-tank WordBoard today and have it made by tomorrow...or the next day...sort of.
- quark [11:50 AM] [ + ]
G-Spots: Mediawatch-uk is calling for an immediate ban on a (now) controversial Gucci ad in this February's edition of Vogue magazine. Gucci was too pleased to comment.
- quark [9:11 AM] [ + ]
UPGRADE COMPLETE: Sort of...I think. If you find any problems, email snark@wordlab.com.
- snark [3:56 AM] [ + ]
Wednesday, February 26, 2003

UPGRADE UPDATE: Ok, I've uploaded all the new pages. After a quick check, everything seems to be working, except the Wordboard, which I'm working on now. Hang in there....
- snark [11:54 PM] [ + ]
SITE UPGRADE ALERT: Heads up, everyone. Pretty soon tonight I will begin uploading all new pages to Wordlab, for a brand new look. I've killed-off the obnoxious frames, for one thing, and gave the whole site a much-needed makeover, toning down that dated '80s look. The new Wordlab will be leaner, cleaner, meaner, and more deadly than ever.

So, you might notice some strange behavior on the site, especially the Wordboard. If so, don't panic. Get up, stretch, pour yourself a stiff drink, go make love, take a bath, play a game, watch a dumb TV show, write a poem, or roll up into a fetal position, then come back in a half-hour or so and try again. I'll post another message here after I am all done.
- snark [10:47 PM] [ + ]
Please tell us what we like, so we can consume it: Building on the "I know what I like, and I like a lot of it" language on the packaging of the Hungry Man All-Month Breakfast dissected in yesterday's Snark Hunting post, here are a few more assertive pronouncements of preference:

"I know What I Like and I Like FRITOS® brand Corn Chips." A Proud Tagline Since 1993. Frito has decided that the best way to entice you to eat their corn chips is to hypnotize you into it:
When you need a snack to fill up those empty spaces, nothing satisfies like a hearty helping of FRITOS® brand Corn Chips. Crunch into FRITOS® Corn Chips and savor their delicious corn flavor [note: not corn, but "corn flavor"] and bold texture, chip after chip. It's the taste you've been craving. So grab your bag of FRITOS® Corn Chips and treat yourself right. After all, you know what you like.
Yesterday we dissected Swanson's new Hungry-Man tagline – "It's Good to be Full" – and here's Fritos to the rescue "when you need a snack to fill up those empty spaces."

"...but I know what I like!" Monty Python: Michelangelo and the Pope concludes with old chestnut:
Pope: There was only one Redeemer!

Michelangelo: Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?

Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want!

Michelangelo: I'll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That's you want. Not a bloody creative artist to crease you up...

Pope: I'll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!

Michelangelo: Bloody fascist!

Pope: Look! I'm the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!
"I know what I like - tall, beefy Nordic men." [on Craigslist - Seattle] Simple, direct, and ever-so specific.
- snark [1:20 PM] [ + ]
Tagline of the day: I'll be there...forever. LifeGem creates certified, high quality diamonds from the carbon of your loved one. related story...
- quark [6:55 AM] [ + ]
Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Food by the Pound: I posted a cautionary tale on Snark Hunting today about the branding of Swanson's Hungry-Man All Day Breakfast and XXL frozen meals. As we're all focused on impending war and potential biological and chemical terror attacks, it behooves us to keep in perspective the weapons of mass destruction lurking in our supermarkets. WARNING: This information may be especially hazardous to vegans, or those with weak stomachs.
- snark [10:23 PM] [ + ]
Monday, February 24, 2003

Laura Ashley meets Perry Ellis: Following months of research, special events planner Laura Allis takes advantage of the WordBoard community and backs into her new and unique name. Check out the Unique name... thread and scroll down some for a savvy discussion on marketing start-ups between Wordboard residents Chris and A Brand New U. Oh, there's also a nice Wordlab testimonial from Laura herself:
You don't realize how you made me feel this morning...I feel as though a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders...You don't realize how many sleepless nights I've had over this whole naming experience. Worse than when I named my kids!!!

- quark [10:38 AM] [ + ]
Saturday, February 22, 2003

Fountain of Youth: If this doesn't move you, you may already be dead; from a 14 year old Singaporean adding to the Anti War Slogans thread on the WordBoard:
I'm from Singapore and i'm 14. You may think i'm too young to protest but i can do my part none the less, i was never given the chance to show how care. Only 6 people in Singapore got off their butt and went down to the streets to show show their feelings for "anti-war". They never got to do so as the police/cops came down and dragged them off the streets for questioning. Someone asked me where i came from. I told him, "I'm from Singapore" and he said "Oh, you're from the country that did nothing for peace". It's an offence to demonstrate in Singapore without the permission from police. I can't believe this rule.. I'm gonna do my part anyways.. i Dun know wat i'll do but I will definately do it.

- quark [12:35 AM] [ + ]

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